polyfam stuff

purlturtle:

perfectlyripeclementine:

calling my lover “mine” but not in the way that my toothbrush or notebook are mine, mine in the way my neighborhood is mine, and also everybody else’s, “mine” like mine to tend to, mine to care for, mine to love. “mine” not like possession but devotion.

Not “belongs to me”; “belongs with me.”

Reblogged from: polyamoryfacts

even-the-losers:

chien-espagnol:

nankingdecade:

• the normalization of jealousy as an indicator of love
• the idea that a sufficiently intense love is enough to overcome any practical incompatibilities
• the idea that you should meet your partner’s every need, and if you don’t, you’re either inadequate or they’re too needy
• the idea that a sufficiently intense love should cause you to cease to be attracted to anyone else
• the idea that commitment is synonymous with exclusivity
• the idea that marriage and children are the only valid teleological justifications for being committed to a relationship
• the idea that your insecurities are always your partner’s responsibility to tip-toe around and never your responsibility to work on
• the idea that your value to a partner is directly proportional to the amount of time and energy they spend on you, and it is in zero-sum competition with everything else they value in life
• the idea that being of value to a partner should always make up a large chunk of how you value yourself

This is excellent

I’m literally gonna reblog this on every single tumblr I have

Reblogged from: polyfeels

polyadvice:

One of my partners struggles with anxiety. She experiences irritability as a sign of her anxiety. This often means that in situations when she’s anxious she will snap at me or say rude things, and sometimes means there are several hours where we’re just sitting in the tension - something that sometimes triggers my own anxiety. The longer we’re together, the harder I’m finding it. I find myself being hyper vigilant to try and make sure nothing triggers her (e.g. she gets anxious when plans are derailed or something goes wrong, so I’m often catching myself trying to pre-prepare to the nth degree all the time).

This isn’t something she’s asked me to do, and when I’ve brought it up as a topic of conversation she has reassured me that I’m not responsible for her anxiety, which I can then reassure myself when she’s feeling anxious moments (i.e., reminding myself that just because she’s tense/irritable/snapping at me, it isn’t actually to do with me). But otherwise, our conversations around the topic haven’t been very productive. Quite often conversations end up with her saying she’s a bad girlfriend or a bitch because of her anxiety, which puts me in a position where all I can do is comfort her.

How can I bring the topic up in a way that shows I want to be there and support her, but I also have my own difficulties during these times? I don’t want to make her even more anxious in these moments that she might be upsetting me, like I’d rather she had someone she could be comfortable with even if she’s snapping at me than she keeps it all bottled up.

Anxiety is a very real condition, and it can be debilitating. I myself deal with serious anxiety. So I’m not trying to minimize or victim blame here.

However.

Having a diagnosis of a mental illness is supposed to be a tool to help us feel better and do better, because now we have a name for what’s going on, and we know what sorts of things work to help address the issue. They are not free passes to fully explain and excuse behavior because we ‘can’t help it’ or because it has a DSM-recognized label.

It’s not cool to snap at your partner. It’s not cool to be rude to your partner. We all do this sometimes, especially when we’re anxious or distracted or under pressure or otherwise feeling irritable. However, as adults in relationships, we should take steps to apologize and address the issue when it happens, and to reduce the frequency with which this happens.

Your partner should not be treating you like this to the point where you feel “hyper vigilant.” That’s not okay. You deserve to feel calm, safe, happy, and respected when you’re around your partner. Period.

I understand that you want to be someone she can be “comfortable” with and not feel the pressure to “bottle up” or otherwise mask the symptoms of her mental illness. That is a good goal to have in a relationship! However, snapping or being rude to you doesn’t sound like it actually helps reduce her anxiety, nor does it sound like she’s meeting you halfway and doing work on her part to minimize the amount that she dumps her anxious negativity onto you.

It sounds like when you ask her to try and cool it with this behavior, she gets ashamed and defensive. That makes it hard for you to have a healthy conversation about it, and it’s not fair. You’re putting in the emotional effort to ride out her challenging behaviors, and she needs to also put in the emotional work to address this ongoing pattern. If anxiety is the cause, then she needs to work on her anxiety. She needs to do her work and see a therapist, do some workbooks or online courses, take up some healthy practices, consider trying out medication, and find other outlets for her irritability besides you.

Also, you need to find a way to let go of feeling responsibility for her anxiety. It sounds like she’s actually trying (whether or not she’s being successful) to not make it your problem. There is a big difference between “I feel anxious” and “I feel anxious, YOU NEED TO FIX IT.” Your job here is to develop some “vibe shields” that can reduce your “absorbency.”

Sometimes something is just not your problem and not actionable for you. You cannot solve your partner’s anxiety and you shouldn’t be expected to. Take her at her word that she doesn’t want you to get all wrapped up in it, and that her snapping at you is not her demanding that you take it upon yourself to start addressing it.

Practice adopting the mindset of “I wish unsubscribe from this material” or “This is not my department.” Sometimes I literally picture a garage door type of thing sliding down over my mind and body, blocking the energies that someone else is putting out. Sometimes I just literally leave the space or find something else to focus on. You need to find the practice that works for you.

Once you start trying those two things - asking her to manage her energy and doing your best not to take on her emotions - then you’ll need to reassess whether those things are working. If it turns out that this problem can’t be resolved between you two, then you’ll need to think about whether you’re willing to stay in a relationship that’s making you feel like this.

Reblogged from: polyadvice

mistersaturn123:

cpt-glasses:

angel-macabre:

“jealousy is so disgusting” “anger is so toxic” did u know? these are emotions every human has

I’ve always been a fan of an analogy I heard once. Your emotions are like one of the lights on your car’s dash. When one of them turns on, it means you need to check under the hood and fix them. It’s not bad that the light turned on, per se, and it doesn’t always mean something is broken. But what IS toxic, dangerous, and likely to break something, is when you let that light stay on, pretending it’s normal, until that braking fluid finally fails and you crash into someone, or your engine fails completely.

Feel jealous. Feel anger. 

Just don’t let it fester. You need to look inside of yourself, find out why you’re feeling the way you are, and bring yourself to a satisfied, stable state of mind. You can look at philosophy, meditation/introspection, religion, or actual therapy, or at least talking to someone about it. You’ll find you’re much more content and happy when you do something about those feelings, and come to some sort of conclusion or resolution.

That is a  wonderful way of looking at it, thankyou. Makes me feel better about myself when I DO feel that way.

Reblogged from: goodthoughtstothink

we’re still here and cute af lol just working and living full time 💕

evilguacamole:

subarubratmoved-deactivated2021:

Transmasc Pregnancy Resources

I’ve been on testosterone for 3 years, and frequently people have made comments about how it must be hard because now I can never have children. And for a long time, I would say that yes, it is hard to know that, because my sole regret about going on testosterone was how I’d never be able to get pregnant (as my doctor told me). But now I know that’s not true– transgender men, including those who have been on testosterone for many years, are capable of having healthy, happy babies. I see many posts on here talking about how testosterone should not be used as a contraceptive (true!) and resources for seeking an abortion when you’re transmasculine, but I don’t see anyone encouraging or providing information to those who may have medically transitioned but still want to pursue pregnancy.

• Here is a Guide to Transmasculine Fertility, complete with several “lesson” sections on various topics such as assisted reproduction options and aging fertility rates, written by verified physicians and Trystan Reese, a transgender man who has pregnancy experience. This is an excellent and thorough resource, and not the only article that the site has on transgender pregnancy and parenting. In my opinion, this is the best resource on the list, so it’s first.
• Here are personal accounts of transmasculine pregnancies from Evan Hempel, Jason Barker, Thomas Beatie, Trevor MacDonald, and there are so, so many more just a Google search away.
• Here is a Heathline article that discusses the issue of social stigma around transmasculine pregnancies, and how to combat it.
• Here is a (short) NYT article about a reproductive endocrinologist’s (supportive) perspective on transgender pregnancies.
• Here is a list of resources that covers much of the above, and more.

Many of us are told when we begin testosterone that it can impact fertility, destroy our reproductive organs, etc. and not only is that blatantly untrue, but it’s wildly harmful to those of us who want to be pregnant. We deserve this information, we deserve to know our options, we deserve to decide for ourselves what we want to do with our bodies. Yes, transgender men who want to be pregnant are certainly in the minority. But too many of us think we’re infertile or are told that we are by doctors who don’t know enough about transgender healthcare, leading to irreversible decisions that do render us infertile (such as hysterectomies). While this is aimed at transgender men, it is also worth mentioning that this applies to anyone and everyone who engages in HRT, mastectomy, etc. including nonbinary people, butches, genderfluid people and so on.

If you are a transmasculine individual who wants to explore your options for pregnancy, I hope this helped inform you. If you’re not interested in pregnancy, please at least pass this information along, because I’m fucking tired of the incompetency surrounding trans healthcare. Knowledge is power, and it’s knowledge like this that allows for self-advocacy, empowerment, and happier lives.

@polyfamorous

Reblogged from: evilguacamole

What a whirlwind of a year it’s been. Finally got my own prescription for testosterone. Our BFF moved in with us (now putting us at 5 adults, 2 kids, 3 dogs, a cat, and a roomba 😂 ) , we’re making and selling (sometimes eating) edibles, I’m still working full time and got a promotion at work, our oldest kiddo told us they’re a lesbian, the “baby” is two now and starting to talk, we’re trying to plan a kid friendly/family-oriented Pride event for sometime in June (will shoot for early fall if that doesn’t work out), and going to look into starting a GSA/something similar at our older kiddo’s school.

myhouseidea:

Loft Bedroom by @stephents3d

Get Inspired, visit www.myhouseidea.com

Reblogged from: myhouseidea